The music is done, the record completed, so what more could there be? The phone rings, it's my old friend Rudy. He's a well known stylist, and has played an integral part in dressing most of the stars you see these days on MTV. In the Taiwan music business, you can't change your pants without calling Rudy.
"Freddie, the record company wants us to meet tomorrow at 2:00 at Joyce to pick out your new clothes. Remember to drink lots of water, and if I were you, I'd start exercising again. This year everyone's wearing tight see through V-necks, and you have to show some muscle. See you then! Ciao!"
Ahh, promotion season once again. If I've learned anything at all from my efforts of being a Chinese pop star, it's that you are nothing without your promotion outfit. You can gauge your worth at the company by how much money they spend on your clothes. Superstars get around NT$250,000 per album while rack bottom sellers get NT$50,000. This time around I've been allotted NT$100,000+, so I must be doing OK.
At 2:00 I enter the sacred vaults of The Mall, Taiwan's version of Sacks Fifth Avenue, where you can expect to pay upwards of NT$20,000 for a pair of sunglasses (quite nice sunglasses) and I ride the mirrored escalators up to their premier establishment, Joyce, the ultra-chic fashion boutique started in Hong Kong by a smart lady named Joyce. Catering to a distinguished clientele, you can buy the exact same jacket Alex Tu wore in his latest video, or the gown Faye Wang dons in concert. Rudy spots me roaming through the tight see through v-neck section looking at price tags. "Oh Freddie, those bags under your eyes are just horrible! You'll need a mask, and you should use a toner." It suddenly dawns on me why stars buy NT$20,000 sunglasses and wear them inside all the time.
Rudy has reserved a special mirrored fitting room for us, and all my new clothes are nicely laid out on black leather chairs. Two record company people have also come to sign the bill. "The color this season is green," explains Rudy. "It's beautiful, yet unassuming, clean, but alternative. I change into a lime green velvet shirt and hip hugger purple velvet jeans. Then I slip into a jacket even Chang Fei would be proud to wear, a 1945 sofa cushion green velvet sport jacket that glitters in the dark. I notice how it changes colors as I turn. "This is the latest Paris style, and will look great on TV," he says, and adjusts my shoulders with a tug.
Before me in the mirror, I see my new self, glowing from head to toe in a dazzling display of self-confidence and wealth. Yes, I must admit, I look like a star, but I'll definitely have to take care of those awful bags. "You look fabulous!" gleams Rudy. The record company folks nod in mechanical agreement, and hand the clerks a big fat envelope.
Later that evening at home, while flipping through the channels, I catch a glimpse of myself on TV. The same lime green velvet shirt, the same purple jeans. But it's not me, it's Harlem Yu! Arrrgh! And he has no bags! Gasp! Behind him, is a beautiful, unassuming, and very clean young woman wearing a sparkling lime green dress. Oh no! And worst of all, the MC is wearing my Paris jacket, which really looks great on TV.
I knew it, I should have stuck with the tight see through v-neck and the sunglasses.
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