Record company math

I thought I learned all the math I needed to know back in high school. Then I got to college and was drowned with calculus, algorithms, and chaos theory. When I finally escaped math hell the only number crunching I ended up using was checkbook math, and that held me over just fine, that is until I signed a record contract and became a recording artist. That’s when my math world morphed into a strange three-sided double helix. I entered the world of record company math. Now after ten years, I think I have it pretty well figured out. So if you’re a budding pop star with stars in your eyes, and you’re planning on where to park your next yacht, you’ll need to take a quick course in record company math. These formulas and equations might save you a lot of pain in the long run. Otherwise expect to be using a lot of Theorem #5.


  1. New Artist’s Law of Relativity: V = ts/2. This simple equation is the starting point for all new artists. Value equals total sales divided by two. This means that your value to the record company is only worth half of your total sales. In other words, you are never as important as you think you are.

  2. Preposterous Promotion Postulate: P = 1350. This is another simple equation that never changes. Promotion (P) equals NT$1350. Whenever you go on TV, whether or not it takes an entire day, your fee is always NT$1350. This postulate is immune to inflation and standard of living costs, remaining constant now for ten years. Most artists must live on this allowance during a typical three-month promotion period. That is why they all look undernourished.

  3. David’s Law of Diminishing Royalties: R = -R/25%. I was taught this powerful little equation by my ex-boss David. It means that the record company is always losing a lot of money on you as an artist. David founded his entire record company on this principle, and eight years later sold his company to a multinational record company for hundreds of millions of NT dollars. Royalties (R) equals artist royalties due. So take whatever it is that you think you should be paid, negate it, and divide that by 25%. This is the actual royalty due to you, and this is the royalty you will receive from the company. Example: If R = $150,000 then R = -150,000/25%. So in actuality, R equals -$600,000.

  4. Time Does Not Equal Money: T  $$. Forget about the old adage time equals money. This does not exist when you are an artist. As a record company artist your time is worthless. You will find this out when you have to wait seven months in order to have a meeting to establish the date for the meeting which will proceed the meeting that decides when you will do your next album, which of course will be delayed, and quite possibly (especially if you are a new artist) totally cancelled. In the meantime you are not allowed to work or do anything but wait and live off your friends and family until the unlikely day you do become famous. Then T = $$.

  5. The Harry Steinberg Theorem: AFC  H. This eye opener was taught to me by my lawyer Harry Steinberg. It’s something to consider when push comes to shove, and you need your lawyer to knock on the record company door. Artist Fee Collected (AFC) is always less than or equal to Harry’s cut (H). In other words, Harry will be parking the yacht, not you.

Hopefully these simple equations will help you along in your career as a recording artist. They are not published in any known math textbook, but are generally well known throughout the music industry. If you have any questions, feel free to contact Harry. He can be reached via mobile phone somewhere near the Bahamas.

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