I guess I’m just like millions of other Taipei urbanites. I get off work, go home, toss off my work clothes, and plop down in front of the TV for some mindless channel surfing. It was an enjoyable activity when I lived in the States. Gilligan’s Island, The Jetsons, Get Smart, I Dream of Jeannie. Hours slipped happily away in old reruns and cartoons. And that was only with five stations.
So what happened here in Taipei? I figured that by going through the hassle of installing cable and adding the hundred plus channels, I would be expanding my entertainment vista by leaps and bounds. Maybe once in a while there would be something decent on the tube.
Yeah right. Quit dreaming. The only way to describe the situation is TVPS. TV Programming Sucks. There’s just no proper way of saying it. It’s just so bad. I have a lot of good friends in the entertainment industry, and many of them are TV people. Producers, directors, writers, etc. It’s always difficult to for me to pop the obvious question, “But why does your program suck?” Instead I usually end up saying something like, “Why did that guy dress up like a woman, wear that silly hat with the basketball hoop on top, and run around trying to catch water balloons on his head?” Or I might ask, “Why are all those people dressed up in pink velcro suits and jumping off a trampoline onto that giant revolving velcro wheel?” Once I said, “I feel so sorry for those feathered Ali Baba dancers. They sure work hard. Do you think they have to all be on stage at once?”
I mean, really, what is there to say? TVPS.
I was having this discussion the other day with my friend, Angie, who is the producer for the number one program in town, Super Sunday. I like to drop in and watch them while they are filming. It’s obvious while you are watching them make it that her show DDNS. Definitely Does Not Suck. It’s well paced, very funny, and you don’t have to wear pink velcro suits to be on it. That’s why they are number one. She offered a good reason for the TVPS dilemma. “Maybe most people don’t really care why they are watching. They just watch.”
Passive watching? Yeah maybe, but I still don’t buy it. What about those diet pill commercials? The ones where they show a three-hundred pound blimp on the left and the gorgeous babe on the right. “That was me three weeks ago! Look at me now!” Barf.
Or those breast enlargement pills? “No man ever looked at me until I discovered SuperBoob!” Cut to a picture of girl with boobs spilling out with four guys drooling over her. Gag.
Or the Buddhist guy with those big glasses? Zzzzzzz.
Or the math teacher guy with the huge blackboard filled with those unbelievably difficult calculus equations? Does anyone but me watch? Yawn.
Or what about the weirdly over happy Ruby English lady who always has the perfect wig hair and red lipstick? “The way to the store eeeeeezzzz theeeeeesss waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Can you say theeeeeeessss waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy?” Yikes.
Or all that old airplane fight footage from WWII? “The enemy had descended upon us from out of the sun…” Is that for super geeks or what?
Scooby Doo in Chinese? Later.
Chinese basketball? Don’t think so.
Bowling for dollars? Blah.
So what are we left with? Take out the remote, flip, flip, flip. Axn TV. Cinemax. HBO. Seen them all. MTV, Channel Z, National Geographic. Yeah maybe, but not tonight. Then finally, the best of the lot, The Discovery Channel. “The Vampire moth descends upon it’s victim in the darkest recesses of the night. Found only in the Malaysian jungle, this treacherous blood sucker thrives only on warm human blood…….” Cool.
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